Umbrellas are the bane of my existence.
I should clarify: OTHER people's umbrellas are the bane of my existence.
How is it, that after 70 (or however many) years since the umbrella has been invented, that people STILL do not know proper umbrella etiquette? THERE ARE RULES, PEOPLE!! Unspoken, yes, but who actually enjoys getting smacked in the face by an umbrella?
Rule 1: When walking on a crowded street carrying an umbrella, and someone heading in the opposite direction, also holding an umbrella, walks past you, raise or lower your umbrella to avoid either the dreaded umbrella collision or smacking that person in the face. I cannot tell you how many times I've either been smacked in the face or doused with water after an umbrella collision. And being doused with water brings me to my next rule...
Rule 2: If you are getting off a bus or exiting a building with a wet umbrella, please be mindful if there are people near you. When you open your umbrella, it pops open with enough force to eject a fair amount of water on any poor, sad sacks standing within a 10 foot radius. Like me. Personally, I carry an umbrella to keep me dry from the rain. But it kinda defeats the purpose when you are spraying me with your second hand water.
Rule 3 (This rule has subsections, bare with me.): If you are getting ONTO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION, you may NOT do the following things with your wet umbrella:
- Hold it in such a manner where it may drip on others. Seriously, dude, hold it over the aisle. I do not need your gross umbrella water all over my clothes. Or my head.
- DO NOT PLACE IT ON THE EMPTY SEAT NEXT TO YOU. You ruin the seat for anyone and everyone LITERALLY all day. No one wants to sit in your dirty puddle of water.
- IF YOU ARE SITTING, DO NOT PLACE IT IN SUCH A MANNER AS IT GETS THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO YOU WET. I know, I know, it sounds a lot like the first one, but just this afternoon, a woman put her (not totally closed) umbrella in the space between my legs and hers. Guess who's legs it ended up resting on? My pants are still soaked. I sat in an awkward and obviously uncomfortable position until the woman who owned the umbrella finally noticed and moved it.
*Special note: Hey all you drivers out there! How big of a dick move is it to go careening through a massive puddle, driving 60 miles an hour, when there's pedestrian RIGHT THERE ON THE SIDEWALK? Have a little compassion, dude. We don't WANT to be walking in the rain, while you're there, dry and comfortable in Ford F160. Don't make us have to walk in the rain and be soaked too.
Well, that's all I have right now. What you guys got?
